Top 15 Tim Conway Quotes

I avoid all the language and nudity and violence and everything. I have enough of that at home.

When you‘re small, you either are funny, or you get beat up a lot.

I was dyslexic – was, still am – ’cause I would see words that weren’t there. And people just started laughing, and I thought, well, this is a good way to make a living. I’ll just go downtown to read and have people laugh, you know?

My career is pretty much over. I’m out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

My parents were very funny – they didn’t know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.

I have a lot of awards in my house that I have absolutely no idea what they are for.

I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn’t the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.

If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I’ve had a great life.

If I wouldn’t offend my religion or God, why would I want to offend an audience because in effect those people are being watched over by the same person.

I would get ill before going onstage – something about getting in front of people, and if they don’t laugh, I’m a bomb. I got over it when somebody laughed.

I’ve never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

The reason ‘The Carol Burnett Show’ did so well in the ratings is because people were looking for that comfort zone when the whole family sat around and watched television and enjoyed it.

I’ve known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we’re about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.

I figure you’re only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I’ve always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

A lot of people like to live on laurels that happened 20 or 30 years ago, but it’s nice to get awards. It’s nice to be labeled and things like that, but I’m not sure everybody qualifies.