Top 35 Greg Davies Quotes

Love at first sight is probably for stupid people, but maybe I’m just cynical.

My dad is the funniest human being I’ve ever met in my life – for years, I’d watch him hold court in whatever situation he was in; he was the most amazing raconteur. I often feel I’ve hijacked what should have been his career.

I have no desire to work my adrenal glands any harder than necessary. I like lazing around; it’s pretty important to my well-being. But I also get bored, so that’s when my culture-vulturing kicks in.

I grew up in Shropshire, but I was born in Wales. There was a hospital seven miles away, but my dad drove 45 miles over the Welsh border so I could play rugby for Wales. But as a skinny asthmatic, I was only ever good at swimming.

I’m 6ft 8in, so I feel like I’ve got full body thrombosis about five hours in if I’m flying in economy.

I was scarred in 1977 by watching Jaws, and I’ve never got over it.

Anything my dad says about what I say about him, I can remind him of ten examples where he publicly humiliated me. We’re really close. The culture of mickey-taking is well established in my family.

I am often driven by necessity, rather than actually doing things like an adult.

I frequently meet ex-pupils who seem to think I didn’t totally ruin their educations, so that’s something.

There is nothing bad about this job. Comedians have nothing to complain about. That doesn’t mean I’m not constantly moaning and worrying.

Some of my friends in this business have received awful online abuse, but I’ve so far pretty much avoided it – and I’ve largely avoided meeting hideous people in the street. Most people tend to be charming.

Every time I wrote a school scene, I thought of that drama studio, because that’s where I was a bit lost at sea.

Humour is learned behaviour, and I know exactly why I learned to be funny. I did it from a very early age. My dad was a hilarious man, and the way we interacted was being silly together. It was a way to hold his attention.

As far as characters are concerned, Alan Partridge makes me wet myself. I’m currently reading the book and have started talking like him as an unfortunate consequence.

It’s an irony that with the physical decline of age comes more mental wellbeing. It’s life’s cruel trick. You’ve settled down as a person, you feel happier with who you are, and then you get a massive swollen prostate and have to go for a test every two weeks. It’s life’s way of saying the struggle isn’t over.

I wasn’t a happy teacher, but I also wasn’t an absolute psychopath like the teachers I portray on screen.

Comedy brings out this rage in people: they get furious when they don’t like something. I have some lovely hardcore fans.

I swam for the county when I was 12. You wouldn’t think it to look at me now, but I’m as graceful as a seal.

I am not a father, and the only children that I get close to are my nieces.

‘Man Down”s my absolute priority. If they give me another series, I’ll throw everything into it because I really like the characters. But after that, I’ll certainly be getting back on stage because I haven‘t done a proper gig for two years. Which is ridiculous for someone who loves it so much.

I love what I’m doing and will continue to do it, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

I would say the more significant factor of my starting late is that I developed a sufficiently thick skin to be able to – just about – handle the knocks that a fledgling comedian takes.

The only difference between a comedian and someone else? We need to make people laugh more.

As anyone who’s done any acting will tell you, if you haven’t got a malicious evil streak, it’s such a joy to let one out.

Being a teacher was great, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do, so it was ultimately crushing.

I have no system of writing. It’s chaos. I could be upside down on my bedroom floor; I’ll be scribbling on a pad that I’ll then lose. I’ll be on the toilet with my laptop on, sitting in the pub with my iPad.

If you want something badly enough, you go for it.

My dad always told me that, as far as he’s concerned, I can do whatever I choose in life as long as I’m happy and can handle the consequences of bad decisions. He only ever said that when he thought I was doing the wrong thing. I would employ similar passive aggression.

I tend to develop my rambling anecdotes by actually getting up and performing them. That’s the joy/horror of stand up – if you have the germ of an idea that you think might be funny, there is a way of finding out if it’s funny very quickly.

I have a terrible work ethic. The best way for me to do anything in life is for someone to say, ‘You need to do this by this time, or you’re in trouble‘.

Some friends think I’m dull now. But I think it’s great that I’m no longer trying to make everyone laugh in the pub.

I don’t know why comedians moan about touring; you get driven to a town, stay in a hotel, work for an hour and a half with nice people, and eat fatty service station food. There’s nothing not to like.

In my 20s and early 30s, I was very much a man lost at sea, with very little direction in life, and painfully immature.

It’s a strange old thing, but I think an awful lot of ‘Inbetweeners’ fans still don’t realise I’m a stand-up.

I came into comedy to make people laugh. If the fact that I can’t stop eating Hobnobs in any way helps, I’m happy to celebrate that.