Top 50 Amy Sedaris Quotes

I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.

I’m always more attracted to the unattractive.

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.

Don’t make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you’re really good, or it’s going to be really practical. If it’s a little thing you think is cute ’cause you made it, just forget it.

I really don’t like going out. I don’t like restaurants because I don’t like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I’ve always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.

Usually I’m the one asking somebody to do something because I don’t know how to finish it. I’m like, ‘Do this for me‘ because I’m just resistant to learning.

Books are challenging and inspirational to me.

I’m drawn to people who look different. I’m not exploiting. I’m not making fun of them. I’m drawn to them.

I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.

They just expected it to you know… Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?

There’s humor in everything. There’s gotta be humor in everything.

I just like to have the ideas. Other people can help see them through.

A lot of crafters, they’re shut-ins.

I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.

I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I’m like, ‘I don’t really know anything about that stuff.’

I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.

I swear I want to be a food model.

I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love.

I like to play unattractive people who think they’re pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.

My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.

I like working with the public, and I like that it’s really hard work.

When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, ‘Why don’t you make it yourself.’ It’s like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That’s not making chocolate-chip cookies.

People always think I’m Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.

We’re all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.

I’m not ambitious.

If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.

A lot of times girls think they’re funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the ’50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays – the new stuff just looks too good.

I feel so free and open to ideas, and I get inspired by everything.

But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.

You know when you watch old movies, it’s always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.

I always knew I didn’t want kids, and I didn’t want to get married.

Whenever I do your show, sometimes I get a little check in the mail and then I take that check and buy a new pair of shoes, and then I wear those shoes the next time I do your show.

I stayed in New York City for the first time, I’d always wanted to do that.

I like to entertain in all aspects. When you’re with somebody and you’re out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they’re bored, and you’re in a convalescent home, there’s something entertaining about that, in a way.

I have a very muscular face.

If I’m creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.

I’m not a first-place person.

I can’t imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school.

I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.

I have no desire to carry a movie.

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it’s this new arts channel, it’s really great.

I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they’re attractive.

My kitchen‘s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level – it’s true! – and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there.

My characters always like themselves.

But I always like to play ugly people who think they’re pretty.

I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they’re a little naive – you made it because you needed it.

It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren’t really that high.

David and Dad didn’t get along too well growing up. I mean we all got along, but it was harder on David, because David wasn’t going to be the son that Dad wanted. But now they’re like best friends.

I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I’m gonna play a cop.