Top 60 Hasan Minhaj Quotes

Whoever has the best take is what matters. My challenge is finding the best take, and it’ll always be that.

If you want a great replacement, like, who can follow Barack and still have that swag, that charisma, that charm and be historic – I think it would be Tina Fey for president.

I was good at speech and debate and academics. I should‘ve stayed in my lane, but I kept trying out for the basketball team. I thought I would make the N.B.A.

As a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play ‘Call of Duty.’ Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage.

My mom worked at the VA for years, so any time I can do anything to help, it’s a must.

I’ve found the 90-10 rule to be pretty true: 90 percent of what I come up with and write down is kinda ‘eh,’ and then somehow, someway, 10 percent of it happens to work out really great in my act.

I’d rather be an angry optimist than an angry nihilist.

The traditional Hollywood system is pretty rigid, but the film scene in, say, South Africa is booming with a lot of possibilities. If you have the cameras and reasonable capital, you can put your film in theatres next to ‘Guardians of the Galaxy.’ A great example of that was Kagiso Lediga’s film ‘Blitz Patrole.’

I grew up in a pretty strict household in the sense that we just didn’t have cable, so I wasn’t familiar with what stand-up comedy was. I remember telling my friends that I thought stand-up comedy was like the thing that happened before the episode of ‘Seinfeld.’

Even the president is not beyond the reach of the First Amendment.

The news is best when it’s serious.

What I love about comedy is that we’re this group of weirdos, and the only language that matters is, ‘Are you funny?’ And it really is this oddly cool American idea where comedy’s the marketplace of ideas. May the best idea win.

I wanted to be Atticus Finch.

We shouldn’t get lost in the bombastic tweets of Trump. He provides such great fodder every day. You don’t want to lose sight of the other stuff that’s going on that’s even more important.

One thing I found very interesting about comedians around the world was their knowledge of stuff outside of their own culture and comfort zone. That’s not very common in the States. We produce our own soft power, which is pop culture, but we rarely try to absorb and learn information from other cultures and countries.

Racism has a very quick expiration date when exposed to actual contact with people.

A lot of times in life, it’s personal choices that you’re making, actively, and then there’s a myriad of forces and circumstances that are out of our control. And without even realizing it, you’re riding a wave of events that you have no control of.

Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject matter.

In high school, I didn’t know what comedy was, but I was involved in speech and debate and public speaking.

I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.

My favorite comedians are just presenting an argument, and they’re doing it in a funny way.

I just hope that people get a variety of news sources to keep themselves informed.

When you can tailor your act, you want it to be about yourself but also about the people in the room and the experience you guys are having in that moment; it is really a special thing.

America’s unique ability to change and be super flexible is pretty dope, man. It’s pretty incredible. And that’s what I want to contribute to.

You can hear my opinion on various subjects, but telling my story is the most authentic thing I can do. There’s nothing more powerful I can share with an audience.

My biggest inspiration is black America and what they’ve done in the arts. I have always felt like an outsider in America, and what black Americans have done to add their chapter to this book called the American dream, and to be so unapologetic and true, and have added so much to art and culture in the world.

The day-to-day microaggressions that we all face, yeah, you have to let some stuff slide, or you go, ‘I gotta keep moving; there’s bigger fish to fry.’ It’s something that I still deal with. But I’ve tried to have the audacity of equality and to follow my heart in those moments where I feel like something is wrong.

I’m not a Larry David. I don’t have a ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm‘ and a ‘Seinfeld’ in me.

I can’t emphasize how important free speech is to a liberal and free democracy.

I look like a melanin version of Chris Hayes.

Only in America can the first-generation Indian American Muslim kid get on the stage and make fun of the president.

I’m addicted to chocolate chip cookies. I mean that seriously. If there are chocolate chip cookies, I will devour them.

Donald Trump is white ISIS – WISIS.

I’ve learned to start from a really sound argument, boil down the essence of what you’re trying to say, then build your humor around that, rather than starting with, ‘This sounds funny,’ and going from there.

I was actually a really sort of nervous, shy kid. In high school, it was one of those things where I wasn’t popular or a loser; I just don’t think many people really knew who I was.

Everything isn’t breaking news. You can’t go to DEFCON One just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.

I’ve experienced Islamophobic stuff. But I don’t care – you can say whatever you want to say about me, but I am who I am. I think that what I’m trying to fight for and what I’m performing for is bigger than any religion, race, creed, or class.

Personal narrative is one of the few things where people don’t get caught up in fighting over esoteric rhetoric.

Donald Trump is liar-in-chief.

As a single guy, the baseline of what I needed was so low. I just needed an air mattress, food, and rent money.

In California, you can stretch your arms out and not be touching another person. You get space, sun and, in general, dignity.

When you immerse yourself in a community, you tend to rise in that community.

‘Shantaram’ is fantastic. An Australian prisoner escapes & joins the mafia in India? Sign me up. I love stuff that is based on true stories.

My goal is just to continue to find mediums to tell stories that I think need to be told.

‘Stand-Up Planet‘ was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.

I just hope I reach out to people and connect to people in such a way that they continue to support what I do.

I call my style Classic Americana Swag. I do my vibe, and I’ll throw in a cool sneaker here or there, a pair of Js.

When you grow up as a minority in a majority culture, a lot of times, you’re just trying to fit in.

Bananas are my go-to breakfast.

I just started the way most comics start, doing open mic shows around Sacramento and San Francisco, and eventually, I moved to L.A. After about four or five years in L.A., I got the call to join the ‘The Daily Show.’

A lot of times, especially when it comes to political debates, people get caught up in esoteric statistics. So the realest thing I can do that has nothing to do with numbers is tell you my personal experience.

Donald Trump is not a 71-year-old white man. He is an Indian uncle. He wears suits that don’t fit; he can’t speak English properly. He works with his idiotic sons; he hates women but loves his daughter. He makes up words when he gets angry. He is an Indian uncle.

‘CNN Tonight‘ should just be called ‘Wait a second! Now hold on! Stop yelling at each!’ with Don Lemon.

Being healthy is the crown that only the sick can see. A lot of times, we take it for granted.

Trump is inadvertently forcing us to show him how great this country truly is – that we are better together than we are divided.

Comedy is very disarming. It’s a way to talk about things and still be light-hearted. And when it’s done really well, you never see the strings, whereas when you watch an infomercial or a politician speaking, a lot of times you can see the strings, you can see what agenda they’re trying to push.

Everybody‘s past and history informs them.

People still assume the White House Correspondents’ Association works for the White House, when in reality, it’s a group of journalists who cover the White House. It’s a branding thing, but because it has the ‘White House’ before it, people think they’re just King Joffrey’s goons.

Growing up in the States, there’s this part of me that’s like, man, I’m Indian. Like, this is where I belong. And as soon as I got to India, and I had to go to the bathroom in some places, I was, like, ‘Man – I am American.’

There’s all sorts of terrible things that happen around the world. And comedy’s one of those few things where you can discuss those things.