In this post, you will find great Funny Quotes from famous people, such as Sarah Millican, George Bernard Shaw, Henny Youngman, Hailee Steinfeld, Simon Sinek. You can learn and implement many lessons from these quotes.
My dad is a storyteller. I’ve heard his funny stories 500 times, but I would never stop him because he tells them so brilliantly and still knows where to put the funny bit.
The shooting of the guns, that was kind of funny, because rolling a cigarette and shooting a gun aren’t like normal things for a 13-year old girl!
When you reminisce, you don’t say, ‘Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?’ No, you say, ‘Remember when we played here and it was unbelievable, and we went out for that incredible meal and that funny thing happened?’ Those are the important moments.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
When I got the phone call that I was going to be on ‘Drag Race’ I thought I was going to win. I thought I was going to win ‘Drag Race’ before I was even cast. I’m not even being funny. I’m being serious.
Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny.
I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn’t funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, ‘What did he say?’
I grew up in a time when women didn’t really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny – because it’s powerful; it’s a threat.
I just always remember there being an ability to amuse schoolmates. Not in a kind of ‘dance-around-at-the-front-of-the-room-with-his-trousers-off’ way, but probably with a sardonic quip. I remember getting a school report that said something like, ‘Steve‘s good, but he tries to see the funny side in everything.’
At the end of the day it’s got to be a good movie, it’s got to be a funny movie, and it’s got to make people think, ‘Hey, I couldn’t have spent my time any better.’
All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, ‘I know you. You’re that wee golfer, aren’t you?’ I say, ‘Yeah, that’s me.’ They say, ‘Keep it up, wee man.’ It’s very funny and that’s why I want to stay here as long as possible.
It just seems to me that there’s no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There’s a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still.
Something that I’ve always been really keen on representing is some honesty with the way that we view ourselves. That’s something I’ve always appreciated watching actors that I’ve looked up to, is when they look like you and me, or they have a funny elbow, or they have, you know, a hairy face.
It’s truly a new day ever since we graced the WWE Universe with our presence. Every time we come out there, you see us being funny, having fun, entertaining people and, of course, preaching the power of positivity. That’s what New Day is all about.
What bothers most critics of my work is the goofiness. One reviewer said I need to make up my mind if want to be funny or serious. My response is that I will make up my mind when God does, because life is a commingling of the sacred and the profane, good and evil. To try and separate them is fallacy.
I like marriage. The idea.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
Life is funny. If you don’t laugh, you’re in trouble.
When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it’s absurd. But it’s tragic at the same time.
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I did get the nickname ‘craptain’ from the Yorkshire dressing room. A bit of banter which I thought was quite funny.
It’s funny – if you impersonate somebody, they have no idea it’s them.
Nothing’s funny about someone who’s successful.
Funny is an attitude.
I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people.
I’ve seen many female comics that a lot of people haven‘t heard of who are so funny, and I saw them come up, and they were working so hard, and then all of a sudden they had a baby, and they just got tied up in motherhood, and eventually, they kind of just stopped doing stand-up, and I thought it was such a shame.
When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it’s just wonderful.
The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness.
I know I’m more on television, and I’m more recognisable than maybe even the players because they run and train, but I just stand there, and my face does all these funny things that everyone can see all the time.
We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh… We’ll do whatever it takes.
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown.
All men are equal before fish.
My big brother Ryan was funny and unfailingly kind. He was one of the most talented musicians you might encounte, and had a prodigious ability to pick up any instrument and play it by ear within the span of a single day.
When you’re in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again. Eventually, the joke starts to not be funny. So you have to be careful that you’re not throwing the baby out with the bath water.
People are funny, and in the most tragic situations, when comedy erupts from nowhere, it can turn on its head within the space of a second or a minute. You’re laughing one minute and you’re crying the next and that’s just life for me, and that is what people are like.
I’m a misplaced American, but don’t know where I was misplaced.
You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
I basically started performing for my mother, going, ‘Love me!’ What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
Instant gratification takes too long.
Confidence is a funny thing, and sometimes that’s all you need is just that little bit to elevate you to the next level.
People ask ‘do you make a conscious effort not to swear?’ – if you’re doing silly stuff you’re not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.
It’s a funny old world.
As for our majority… one is enough.
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they’re down, and when they’re having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.
I saw a stationery store move.
I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart. I’ve met a lot of dramatic people who were stupid. But I’ve never met a funny person who wasn’t smart.
I’m going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I’m going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.
What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
The funny thing about the people I don’t like – they’re very self-centered.
Naked dudes are inherently funny.
My dad has blond hair, my grandmother has blue eyes. My daughter has blue eyes and blond hair. So it is pretty funny to me that I’m so heavily identified as an Asian person.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
I love hearing about bad behavior. It’s just so funny to me. Especially, grown ups acting like weird, inconsolable babies over really stupid things, to me, is really funny.
I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I’m annoying, and a phony.
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
The funny thing about cinema is, usually when they do a story that has African Americans in it, there always has to be a white guy who’s the savior.
It’s funny because I’ve made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say.
It’s funny, I guess when I was growing up, I didn’t really think about being an instrumentalist, per se. I didn’t think, well, I want to be a piano player, or, I want to be a guitar player, or even, I want to be a singer. I just wanted to be a musician.
When I was right out of college, I felt competitive with some of the guys in my class over career stuff. It’s funny now to think about it – that a friend getting a job or something had anything to do with me… I think that my relationship with my wife has played a pivotal role in the chilling out of Aaron.
When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
What I do onstage, there’s maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh, and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They’re really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love ’em; they’re awesome. They’re good people.
I’m the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Cure for an obsession: get another one.
Comedy is just an unspoken language. Everybody understands it. Funny is funny. When it’s not funny, they’ll let you know.
It’s funny – sometimes when you approach people they get freaked out but occasionally you’ll find a gem who’s unselfconscious in front of the camera.
I’ve seen many female comics that a lot of people haven‘t heard of who are so funny, and I saw them come up, and they were working so hard, and then all of a sudden they had a baby, and they just got tied up in motherhood, and eventually, they kind of just stopped doing stand-up, and I thought it was such a shame.
I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I’ll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be ‘comedies‘ and not ‘female’ or ‘male,’ and everyone gets an equal opportunity.
I went to New York for Fashion Week and girls showed up waiting to see me. It’s funny because there’s a group of girls who I actually recognize because they always show up. It’s nice and I’m like, ‘Hi girls! I recognize your faces!’ It’s just like a feel-good experience.
I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn’t serious because I was smart. I wasn’t like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious – like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school.
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
I know there’s a CSI game. I’ve never seen it, though, so I’m not really sure. I hope it’s interesting. I hope that they’ve done a good job making it, but because I’ve never seen it, the jury is still out on whether it’s interesting or not. But it is funny to imagine that it’s been turned into a game.
The funny response to ‘One Mississippi‘ continues to be that people don’t know what is true and what’s fiction.
You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
In ‘The Sound of Music,’ I was a von Trapp daughter in a white dress with a blue satin sash, and my line was, ‘I’m Brigitta. I’m 12, and all I want is a good time.’ I got a laugh. And I was so delighted, I laughed, too. Sadly, that’s a problem I still have – onstage, I laugh hysterically at how funny I am.
I feel like somebody who just is very understanding is my biggest thing – timing is a major issue for me – but also funny! Obviously I want someone really cute and fun and fresh for good Instagram pictures and that just makes me really happy.
I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Letterman is very intimidating because he’s so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he’s a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him.
You know how old I am? I’m so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That’s how old I am.
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
I tend to head for what’s amusing because a lot of things aren’t happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything.
I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.
Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it’s funny. You’re just sitting there like, ‘Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?’ It’s such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.
I like to play music, and I like to be funny, so I just do both at the same time.
You can hate me for being a woman, you can hate me for being smart, you can hate me for being funny, but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story.
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
To me, writing is remembering something funny that happened, or maybe something I said seven years ago.
If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.
I’m a funny person, but I take my music seriously.
George Carlin maintained that anything and everything is funny given the right context. This context also includes your own history with a given group. What I can get away with and where I can go is not a problem with my audience because they know me.
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Everybody I know who is funny, it’s in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don’t like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Coach Blatt is very, very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you’re at, he knows as much about basketball as anyone. You learn a lot from him. And he’s a very charming guy, very personable. He’s pretty funny, too.
I can’t even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don’t seem like real people to me: they’re props that often say horrible things to each other, which I don’t find funny. I have to feel like they’re real people.
The drawings in ‘Portal’ were actually me scribbling that stuff… I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten ‘The cake is a lie’ tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That… that’s odd.
It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.
A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.
Novels are not about expressing yourself, they’re about something beautiful, funny, clever and organic. Self-expression? Go and ring a bell in a yard if you want to express yourself.
My first gigs were at university: I’d dress up as Jesus, jump off a cross and dance to a Mick Jagger song. I don’t know if it was funny or not, but it was a start.
I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.
I’m funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while.
I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.
Voice actors I used to know who were starting out in comedy were guys who did a lot of voices. They were usually comedy actors who developed their comedy by doing tons of impressions and voices that were usually very funny. And I never did any of that, so that’s, I guess, why I don’t consider myself a voice actor.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Sure, I am funny and have a good sense of humor. Mostly, though, I just tell the truth. The internal dialogue people have in their heads – I just write it.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
I like to be funny. I can’t stay all the time focused, disciplined, controlled. Behaviour like that is impossible. If the players are too nervous before a game, I have to relax them, calm them.
It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
People like my voice, which is funny because all my life my family has joked about my nasal voice.
I think it’s a comedian’s job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they’re home. I’m that way at Saks.
There’s a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.
It may sound funny, but I love the South. I don’t choose to live anywhere else. There’s land here, where a man can raise cattle, and I’m going to do it some day.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
When ‘Mean Girls’ came out, I was 15. So I saw that movie and was like, ‘That is so funny.’ But it still has that fluffy, happy ending, and that doesn’t happen in high school.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
My parents were very funny – they didn’t know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.
Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.
If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.
I don’t think I’m that funny.
People think it’s funny that I enjoy dreaming so much. I just use it as a form of entertainment. It’s very private. I don’t see my dreams as separate. I mean, half the time I’m wandering around dreaming anyway.
I’m just an entertainer. All I want to be is funny. I never aspired to play Hamlet.
I gave a funny speech at my wife’s birthday party, and I’m thinking, ‘Hey, I’ve still got it.’
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
It’s a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It’s funny and accessible.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.
I had paralyzing fear as a kid. I couldn’t watch horror movies, nothing. The funny thing is I got so sick of being afraid that I started doing it deliberately and instead of being afraid in my bed I would sit up on my bed and say, ‘ok, come on, show yourself, do it.’
Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
Yes, I see the Mobile Base System really is the shoulder of the arm. The arm is right there, like a human arm. It’s really funny to look at the similarities between a human arm and the Canadian robotics arm.
When people are committed to things, and the world view they have is no longer in alignment with our world view, then it becomes funny.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights.
In person, RuPaul is warm, funny, personable – someone who thoroughly enjoys life.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it’s funny enough.
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.
One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself.
You win a race, the next race it’s a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That’s what is funny. But that’s what is interesting. And that’s what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time.
I think nudity is funny, especially when it’s inappropriate.
Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On ‘Parks and Rec,’ we’ve got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don’t just effuse to one another and be like, ‘Oh, Rob Lowe’s really funny,’ if he wasn’t.
There are many Bollywood actresses who work in the South and speak Tamil or Malayalam, and though it is correct, we find it funny sometimes.
It’s funny, we appear as robots from another world, but what we do, what the robots create, is really human after all.
I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.
I grew up with interesting and funny people. We made our own fun. You had to use your imagination.
Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.
Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
I wasn’t even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse.
I don’t have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.
Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you’re just unable to focus.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it’s a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you.
How could anyone like me for my true self? Being gay, disabled, loud and funny was too much in one 5ft person.
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
A lot of men are competitive about being funny.
I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Sex is funny and love is serious.
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
I like children – fried.
It’s funny, I never think I’m doing that well. I’ve never, ever. I just constantly think, ‘This isn’t working out.’
I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.
I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and it’s ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Experience is what you have after you’ve forgotten her name.
I thought ‘Borat’ was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn’t some studio-produced script with 14 writers.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.
One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy’s restroom and she wasn’t embarrassed at all.
My girlfriend doesn’t think I’m funny at all.
Sausages are just funny. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.
Sometimes I’ll put on a Zig Ziglar tape: he’s a motivational speaker who is really funny and really American. I know I should do the things he says, but I’m too cynical.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The great thing for me about ‘The Resurrection of Gavin Stone’ is it’s a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn’t call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies.
Some guys may play around and say a couple of things, but if I say it, I mean it. I may laugh, it may be funny, but if I say I’m going to get you, I’m going to get you.
You shouldn’t get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
It’s funny, I guess when I was growing up, I didn’t really think about being an instrumentalist, per se. I didn’t think, well, I want to be a piano player, or, I want to be a guitar player, or even, I want to be a singer. I just wanted to be a musician.
You’re unlikely to discover something new without a lot of practice on old stuff, but further, you should get a heck of a lot of fun out of working out funny relations and interesting things.
It’s funny, I used to say on ‘That 70’s Show’, you could really put us in any decade, and it was about the people and the characters and that we cared about each other.
For me personally, I just don’t have anything to prove anymore. I know exactly who I am, I know that I’m intelligent and acting dumb or acting like whatever. If that’s funny to me because I know it’s false then so be it.
Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
It’s funny, because when you’re younger you’re in a rush to be 18 or 21 or whatever. But then you hit 30. And now, the days go by like hours. You think, 40, man, this could be the halfway point. It could be the three-quarters point, you know? Who knows?
Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.
The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, ‘What are you talking about?’ Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it’s not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.
It’s funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I’ve had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it’s just because they don’t behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
I detest jokes – when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn’t know it’s funny or doesn’t treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it’s a sort of rage against society.
What’s funny is that the idea of popularity – even the use of the word ‘popular’ – is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
In person, RuPaul is warm, funny, personable – someone who thoroughly enjoys life.
A lot of men are competitive about being funny.
Comedy is only funny when there’s real pain.
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, ‘Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.’
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?
I want to give kids that fall-off-the-bed-laughing feeling. Either that, or the sixth-grade feeling that life is hard – sometimes unbearably hard – and it is ultimately about death. But in the meantime, life can be really funny, too.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
‘Come out’ is so funny to me because I’ve never been in.
I did a lot of serious plays, and I did the Oxford Review as well, which is supposed to be funny, but I’m not sure how funny we were when we did it. Then, when I finished my course, it was only then that I decided to go to drama school and try and do acting because I was enjoying it so much and so on.
To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.
All people go through moments that are tough, but looking at them through comedy is so fun. You can look at anything in life and say ‘Sure, this is crap, but it’s kinda funny.’
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I’m funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while.
Playing video games, as funny as it might sound, it’s a very important part of our day. Our schedule is so hectic, chaotic, demanding that we need an outlet. We need ways to express ourselves and let our energy out.
Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny – that’s the difficult thing.
It’s funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.
Comedy and tragedy co-exist. You can’t have one without the other. I’m of the school that anything can be funny if seen from a comedic point of view.
It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
The next time you have a thought… let it go.
Funny is only something that others know about you – you can’t be funny by yourself.
It’s a funny thing: people often ask how I discipline myself to write. I can’t begin to understand the question. For me, the discipline is turning off the computer and leaving my desk to do something else.
I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.
You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.
I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
From my perspective, probably women are won over by people who are sweet and respectful and courteous and kind and funny. I think those are the things that win women over.
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.
I want someone that’s caring, funny, who’s similar to me – who doesn’t take life too seriously – keeps their private life private and is mature!
It’s funny – almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer.
There’s only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.
In my circle of friends, I’ve always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don’t want the spotlight on me.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there’d be something I’d miss that was funny in the future. If there’s a chance I’m going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.
I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great, such a great dude, and really funny.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
I love shifting between being super cute and aggressive. It’s funny.
Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child’s tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It’s not funny and it’s not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn’t the least bit funny.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
I don’t just try to be funny.
There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.
I owe my whole acting career to the fact that I’m a singer. I went out to Los Angeles and auditioned for a TV show called ‘Fame L.A.’ The original role was for a comedian, but they said I wasn’t very funny, so they asked me, ‘What else can you do?’ So I played a singer.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
My mother and father were very strange people. They tried to be funny which is always very sad to me.
One funny thing is, though, I wear my watch on my right hand and I’m actually right-handed. People always wonder why – I don’t know myself, I’ve just always done it that way and I like it the way a good watch fits on my right wrist.
I do like dating cynics – they tend to be incredibly funny.
I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny.
When someone calls me up and wants me to do something, of course I am open to it. But I am not going to do it if there isn’t anything interesting or funny about it.
You see much more of your children once they leave home.
Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.
It’s funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
George Carlin maintained that anything and everything is funny given the right context. This context also includes your own history with a given group. What I can get away with and where I can go is not a problem with my audience because they know me.
It’s funny, I hear people say I’m faking all this science stuff. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. It’s literally what I have to do to play and perform at this level.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
My mum passing away wasn’t funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that’s funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there’s all kinds of advantages to it.
If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.
I don’t think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny.
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
I went from 250 to, like, 175 in three and a half, four months. And then I ended up graduating with honors. I went from a 2.4 to a 3.06 in a year. It’s funny how those two are related. I don’t want to say that if you lose weight, you’ll get smarter, but… well, it worked for me.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They’re loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, ‘The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.’ Funny thought.
Hurried and worried until we’re buried, and there’s no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I’m not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I’m certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I’d been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
It’s funny – when I first started as an actor, obviously there were long periods of being idle and all you want to do is work. So if I ever get the compulsion to feel like I should complain or feel like I want to take a break, I just remember how I was before and be very grateful for it.
It’s a funny thing. You sort of never figure it out with acting. You’re always learning.
I can’t prevent myself of being funny.
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, ‘I wish I was that good.’ People think I’m funny, and I say, ‘I’m not.’
I think the kick to doing comedy is just to get in a film with really funny people and let them do their jobs. I find that in most comedies, I’m not the funny one, which works out great.
I like Jacques Derrida; I think he’s funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he’s not taking things seriously, but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn’t you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
I’m a funny guy. I want people to laugh. I laugh at myself, I make fun of myself. But at the end of the day everything that I say has a message in it.
He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Funny enough, you know who I used to really like in Lion King? It was Scar.
I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny.
After all is said and done, sit down.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
I get asked, ‘Who would you really like to work with?’ I’m already working with them. Smart, talented, funny people, good musicians, an extended family, good friends.
I think it’s great to see how they’ve grown up, not just as actors but as people. They’re still very much the same kids that I met many years ago. They’ve grown up and they are funny and wicked and naughty and bright, and I think as actors their work is just getting better and better. They’ve blossomed.
