Top 70 Carlos Mencia Quotes

People live in a place called Tornado Alley – and they’re surprised when they get hit by a tornado. I’m sorry when they get hit by tornadoes, but when you live in Tornado Alley you can’t really claim surprise.

My choices are made out of love. When I go on stage now, I want to make people happy. I mean, when I get hecklers now, I’m nice to them!

I grew up poor. The fact that I had to struggle to succeed, that wasn’t a big deal to me. I’d struggled my whole life.

I was only 20, 21. I was basically going to college to get me out of the ghetto. A friend suggested I try stand-up.

I am an extremist.

I don’t want to go on stage with anger. And that’s why I worked so hard to look within and change myself and evolve.

For me, it’s always better to tell people the truth, because people can accept the truth.

I’ve gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine. They say, ‘I can’t believe you talked about this – you’re racist.’ And I say, ‘How can I be racist? Isn’t racism exclusionary? If all of you are offended, that means I’m including every race in my jokes.’

If you’ve never seen me perform live, I’m a must-see. I’m very funny. I have a different perspective sometimes on a lot of what I do and the world itself, especially America.

When I’m performing for 4,000, 5,000 people, it’s a show. It’s a rock n’ roll concert.

If you don’t like your job, then change it by getting some better skills. Until then, shut up and get my burger with a smile, like in the commercials.

I have 11 sisters and 6 brothers.

The United States of America on our worst day is better than any other country on their best day. Period. End of story.

Acting is reacting. That’s when acting is great – when you say something, somebody said something, they make a face, they pose, they use something physical, then you react to that, then they react to you.

Before I got into stand-up, I was a really quiet guy who had all these thoughts, all these things I wanted to say, but there was never anyplace for me to say them because my mom would look at me and go, ‘You better not say what you’re thinking. You better not.’

Just because my name is Carlos Mencia, don’t think my show is going to be about the difference between Mexicans and white people.

You can take my dirtiest, craziest joke, and I can break down in my head why there’s a good, honest, honorable reason for telling it.

On stage, I’m really, really tall. I’m five-foot-9, but on stage, I’m, like, six-foot-5.

I know I’m funny.

Well, the hard part about doing auditions is that the person reading you the lines, they’re not really into it. They’re just going, ‘Oh really, so why do you think that?’ And they’re just looking at a piece of paper.

I’m afraid of being poor; I’m afraid of living in the projects… I’m afraid of being thought as unsuccessful.

In this pessimistic world, especially in America, a positive outlook is very necessary.

If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects, poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn’t get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that.

We don’t grow as human beings from good things happening. We grow from failures.

I get really nervous at auditions. I know how to make people laugh, but auditions just really make me nervous.

I will make a joke about any of my family members, about me, about my wife, if I really thought that I’m doing it to be funny. If there’s some darkness to it, or I think it’s ill-willed or mean or not cool, then I won‘t do it.

I hate being judged.

If I’ve got a black joke, and I can’t tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn’t tell the joke anywhere else.

I had one guy say, ‘I watched your show and didn’t agree with what you said.’ And I’m like, ‘It’s a joke. How could you not agree? I can understand you saying it’s not funny.’ But it’s like my going onstage and doing a knock-knock and somebody going, ‘I disagree. There’s no door here.’

The cool thing about going to Vegas is that it’s kind of like visiting a bunch of cities all at one time. All the shows and great restaurants leave you with a lot of options.

If you ain’t laughing, you ain’t living, baby.

The weight loss came about because a buddy of mine who was diagnosed with diabetes because of his obesity told me that I was fat. And I started laughing, and he was like, ‘No seriously, you’re fat.’ And I said, ‘Oh wow, really.’

When I tell a joke, I immediately know whether it’s funny or not.

Guys like Rogan literally want to ruin my career. That’s unbelievably cruel and hurtful, and I never want to be that guy.

I don’t think I push boundaries. I find that other people feel that way. To me, it’s just about going up there and speaking the truth, whatever that is.

I’m a spiritual person: I believe that if you read the Bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you actually read it, you see the beauty, spirituality, the joy and love, and what makes us godly.

I am living in a world where I am happy and doing what I love and making others happy.

Here’s the problem: People have completely and utterly forgotten one thing when it comes to communication – intent.

Here’s what I know about the business I am in. It’s all based on money. It’s all based on ratings.

I don’t think Latino; I think like me. If that happens to be Latino, then I guess that’s me. But it doesn’t affect my comedy in any way.

Chicago is pretty much my favorite city to perform in. For some reason, people from the Chicago area have an amazing attitude.

All this stuff that went down, the joke-stealing accusations, me not wanting to do ‘Mind of Mencia’ anymore. All these things made me look inside myself.

When I was young and didn’t have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it.

Here’s my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends, who don’t judge you, what do you say? And if that’s appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like, I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

I never want to forget that my job is to make people laugh.

People that love me, love me. But the people that hate me really hate me.

At the end of the day, my career is not going to be judged by one or two or three moments in time. It’ll be judged by the longevity of it.

My favorite place is Maui. It’s almost perfect there – the people, the weather, just everything. No matter how busy you are, when you get to Maui, you chill and relax.

I’m just trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh, and trying to make the world a better place through some jokes. I don’t have words for it. It’s so overwhelming.

You know what, I stopped doing ‘Mind of Mencia’ because it got hard, and there was a lot of fighting, and it was just time to move on.

I like to look in the crevices of things, the nooks and the crannies. I like to see the things other people don’t see, don’t want to look at.

It’s a pleasure to be doing a show for Comedy Central. Traditional networks would cast me as the head of a household with 16 children, which I find extremely offensive because there are 18 kids in my family.

I am a sponge. I don’t write things down.

Some people want to live in a world much prettier than the one I depict. But it exists, and I talk about it because it exists.

I am a product… I’m a comedian. I’m not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh.

My comedy is about, lift yourself. See reality. Change the reality if you don’t like it. But if you can’t, then deal with things as they are because crying about it isn’t going to change anything.

I always knew I was going to lose weight.

I was a very cocky and unlikable young comic. But I came from the hood, and that’s what I learned.

The really funny thing is that most all of my friends who are priests have seen me perform, and they say, ‘I wish I could talk the way you do on stage. I wish I could reveal truth to my congregation the way you do.’

‘America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.’ It’s one of those jokes that doesn’t hit people right away, because it’s so prevalent that we don’t get it.

I don’t do anything out of negativity anymore.

I believe that my part to play in this world is stand-up.

I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I’ve ever done is on a hard drive. I can tell you when I wrote every joke I wrote. I can tell you the first time I said it, when I made it different, when I made it better.

If the worst thing happening to Middle Eastern people is that Carlos Mencia is doing a joke about them being stopped at airports, that’s a pretty awesome state of affairs.

When I was born, I was given to my uncle and aunt to raise as their kid because they couldn’t have kids.

The beauty of comedy is, when people come to a comedy club, there is a certain veil of reality suspended.

I was never one of those fat-victim people. I always have to address how much weight I lost, and people always realize then how fat I was.

I grew up being very patriotic. My parents really love this country. A big part of what they love is freedom of speech… I’m fearless because aren’t we supposed to be able to speak our mind?

What I do is that I really, really try hard to make sure the things that I do comes from a pure place in my heart and my intent is a pure one.

When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.